We'll chance upon each other,
some day or evening
a long time from now.
By then my heart will
have scabbed over, but
still the edges are tender.
You'll be excited - "it's been
so long!" - but I'll
be full of dread, caution.
I'll regard you coolly, just
enough detachment to make
you unsure, ill at ease.
I'll make some cutting remark,
veiled in subtlety, then
excuse myself from your company.
You'll mull the comment over,
repeating it in your
mind, puzzling together its meaning.
And slowly, you'll reach the
soul of it and
know that I'm still bleeding.
You'll watch me from across
the room, and I'll
know by its focused heat,
But I'm too old and
too tired to play
the games of young girls.
You won't see me feigning
laughter or pretending to
flirt with some random person.
I'll simply be me, as
even keeled and placid
as you knew I was.
It will remind you of
those quiet moments we
shared, tangled in each other,
Doing nothing but marveling at
the miracle of love,
the wonder of eachother's breathing.
You'll then be in touch,
and I'll hesitate but
answer; no sense of preservation.
You'll apologize for it all
and I'll give you
a halfhearted, watery kinda smile.
(Actions, of course, speak louder
than words and I'm
simply mirroring your past indifference.)
You'll realize too late, like
they all do, that
you made a huge mistake.
But it'll make no difference
to me because you
had broken something inside me
That day, way back, when
I stared out of the
window, watching a squirrel as
You stood above me and
recited a litany of
why you didn't want me.
And maybe then you'll long
for me the way
I did those many months,
The wind blowing through the
hollow in your chest,
whistling past the ragged edges.
And then you'll understand, it
dissolved that warm October
as I sat in silence.
You'll know it's too late
for me,
for you,
for us.
It's just now that you're catching up.
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