Birthday Blues | Musings that Suck

So…

I turned 38 last Thursday…. and it hit pretty hard.

I’ve been questioning doing my PhD – something that I’ve been adamant about doing since I began going back to school 10 years ago – but in the last year I’ve begun to question it…. and, for me, that indicates something’s “wrong.”

I haven’t thought much about it, not until the night of my birthday when I realized that I’m questioning it because I’ve hit mid life (let’s be real, few people live to 100 so 38 and 40 is about middle aged).

I knew this because of the questions I was asking myself; not whether I am capable of the coursework and research (I very much am) but whether I want to spend another five years of my life in school and whether it will give me any further edge in my field.

I can feel it.. ya know? Feel that I’m in some liminal space. That some huge change is coming because my thoughts are changing …. which indicate that what I want from my life is changing. The thing is… I don’t know what I want, at least not right now.

I’m still applying to the PhD (because I love school, and I love the environment of learning), but I just don’t know what I want anymore. Which means that I have to think about what I want… how do I want to spend the next 40 years of my life?

It’s just a weird and uncomfortable feeling… I don’t love uncertainty.

But… I did hear that women’s sex drives take a moon shot in their 40’s… so that’s a bonus, right?

Site Updates !

Hey ya’ll,

I wanted to reach out and let ya’ll know that I’m taking a step back from PTS.

I know I’ve been a daily poster for a long time – pausing only for a few months when I was writing FUCK IT – but, I’m feeling super burned-the-fuck out right now and the pressure of daily posting is a bit overwhelming for me… plus the new semester looms large on the horizon.

So, I’m down shifting into only posting 3x / week – with “themed” posts.

Mondays: (My) Poems / Prose that Sucks

Wednesdays: Musings that Suck (just basically a catch all for me to keep you update on life, books, rants and raves.

Fridays: Reviews that Suck.

With regards to reviews:

  1. I have reviews booked (no pun intended) until 11/12 – which means there are only SEVEN slots left for the rest of the year. If you’re interested in getting your book reviewed by me (it MUST be either self or indie published! I absolutely WILL NOT read anything published by the big pubs), post your links below.
  2. Come January 1st, 2022 (jesus fucking christ, where did time go???) I will be taking an actual break. About 1 month from posting ANYTHING. That will be when this next semester ends, and I already know my brain will feel like scrambled eggs.

That’s about it… Poem post to come here shortly!

Books ‘n Shit | Life Updates

Hey, hey fellow perverts, degenerates and all around good-ass people!

I wanted to hop on and check in on ya’ll to see how you’re doing. How ya been? How ya doing? What’s new? You got any cool successes? If so, drop ’em in the comments and let’s celebrate that shit with a drink!

The semester is over and I’ve taken a month to revert to my vampire’s sleep schedule, so I don’t feel like a fucking reanimated corpse anymore. It’s Cancer season, baby, and I’m feeling vibrant as shit right now!

I heaved a huge sigh of relief the other day; I submitted my final manuscript (which needs desperate arrangement) to my dude over at Newington Blue. We got a title, and we’re working on author pic and cover art now. I’ll be the second release over there, so I’m thinking the fall or something. I’ll keep you updated!

For now I’m trying to bang out the rest of the Song of the Sister for Budget Press which is turning into a real fucking beast on my end. Initially I was writing with my usual chaotic energy, but something shifted and I’m getting real intentional with it. It’s, for sure, the most structured writing I’ve done outside academia and it’s taking all my brain power, talent and writing skill to get it done.

Anywho, I hope you’re all having a good summer. Let me know what you’re up to.

Shit n Stuff n Things | Life Updates

Hey guys,

I just wanted to reach out and let you know what’s going on in my world – and to apologize for the lack of posts these last few months.

Many of you know that I’m working on my Masters – which leaves little time for me to sit down and write poetry. When I do have the rare moment to sit down and write poetry, it’s been to fulfil my obligations to Newington Blue and Budget Press for the two books of mine they’re producing this year.

With regard to the Newington Blue book; my editor heard my wish to incorporate more exclusive pieces to that volume, so I’m happy to say that there will be nearly 30 new poems that you haven’t seen before incorporated into that work.

I think I’ve said this before about my chapbook with Budget but it’s worth repeating; we’re looking at about 14-20 pages of ALL exclusive material. It is very much a themed piece – an idea that I’d been playing with for quite sometime. Last update I revealed the title : Song of the Sister – but I don’t think I told you the premise.

So, there’s this book in the Bible called The Song of Solomon – and it is essentially biblical porn. Meaning, it’s an 8 chapter long erotic love poem to his new bride whom he dubs ‘Sister’. My chapbook acts as a response to that – the woman’s response to the male – with a more modern, rough twist to it. I showed the editor two of the pieces that I’ve written so far, and he digs… so we’re good so far!

Updates on the shoulder: I’ve finally got it sorted out! I ended up buying a brand new memory foam pillow that has helped relieve the pain immensely. I’m also working more on my laptop which doesn’t require me to extend my arms as far to work. So, all in all, I’m pretty good.

End of the semester is coming this time next month, so you will probably see more posts coming from me around then!

Thanks for all your love and patience!

L

News and Updates | Life Updates

Hey ya’ll,

Just wanted to stop by and give you all some updates on what’s happening on my end. I know I’m still not posting a whole lot, but there are reasons for it.

My shoulder/bicep is still hurting – though, it is getting slowly better each time I get a massage. I haven’t been able to book one since the last post, so I’m still kind of at a standstill with it. I’m hoping to book soon and finally eliminate this pain. I still have no understanding of what’s causing the issue; neither my massage therapist nor I can figure it out. But… we’re working on it.

This has, of course, affected my ability to write. It’s impossible for me to write poetry (or anything else) solely on a computer screen. It feels wildly inorganic to me, and it’s just not something I can do. Holding a pen, and sitting scrunched up to write has been… significantly painful. With the semester having started a month ago, I’ve had to limit my writing as much as possible – and save my efforts for school work.

That being said, I AM still writing.

I’ve got a chapbook being released later this year by Newington Blue Press . The selection / editing process should begin here shortly, but the more I think about it the more I’d like to include more exclusive pieces (as of right now there are about ten). But, we’ll see what happens.

I’m also really happy to say that I’ve been asked to do another chapbook with Budget Press. Just today I got the go-ahead for an idea that I’ve been playing with for a little bit. The book will be called The Song of the Sister and will contain all new pieces that are exclusive to it.

The title, and the project, is a riff on the biblical book of the Song of Solomon. Now, I know you want to stop reading right there…. but know that the Song of Solomon is an ancient, erotic love poem. Yep…. biblical porno. Did you think I was going to go all soft and theological on you? Nah.

So, instead of hearing Solomon’s song, we’ll be hearing the Sister’s song. The sister being the female that the poem is written to. I don’t think it’s really his sister, I think it’s just creative language. That being said, while my response to Solomon’s song will biblical format (meaning, 8 “chapters”) it will contain modern language, modern situations, and … well… FILTH.

I’ll let you guys know more about this as we get closer to publication. I still have to write the fucking thing, afterall.

Anyway, hope all is well with you all. I’ve been surfing through my reading page and really enjoying what so many of you are writing. Keep writing, keep submitting and keep being real.

Leia

Life Shit & Shoulder Pain | Life Updates

Hey guys, 

I want to apologize for the lack of updates. I’ve been experiencing some significant shoulder pain in my dominant arm that’s making it difficult to turn my head or sleep, and it’s caused a bit of trembling in my hand. 

I did see a massage therapist about two weeks ago, and she helped get the range of motion back in my neck. Now the pain is concentrated right under my shoulder blade, and is migrating up to my shoulder itself. Overall, it feels like terrible burning. I have an appointment with her, again, tomorrow. So, hopefully, I’ll be in better shape. 

I also want to talk about something I’ve been ramping up on lately: submissions. I recently began submitting my work all over the place – and I want to encourage you all to do the same. I know it seems daunting, and the prospects of rejections is a little terrifying at times …. but you should do it. Submit. Go for it.  We need diversity of voices in this genre – and you can bring that diversity – in your experience, in your style, in your own way. Do it. Submit. 

The worst thing that can happen is the editor says no. But guess what? Your skin is still on, and you’re still breathing. Look, I submitted to several places this month and here’s the results so far: 

  •  Feral: Rejection (no reason)
  • Versification: Rejection (no reason)
  • Trouvaille: Rejection (didn’t feel my work was right for them)
  • Floodlight: Rejected (no reason)
  • Sublunary: Rejected (isn’t right for their aesthetic)
  • Ample Remains (not a match)
  • Once Upon a Crocodile: Accepted
  • Claredon House: Accepted
  • Anti-Heroin Chic : Accepted
  • Vailent: Still waiting
  • 1870 : Still waiting

I honestly expect the remaining two mags to reject me – and that’s ok. Despite our best efforts – reading the submission guidelines, spending time reading through the issues to feel out whether or not your stuff matches with theirs and typing shit up – shit just happens.

I want to say this; even if you feel that your work would fit with a lit magazine after reading through the issues and they reject you … don’t take it personally. Aesthetic, theme, etc.  is subjective, and editors are going to pick what speaks to them (and what they like). And, again, THAT’S ok, too. You don’t like every writer’s shit, right? 

I want to make a distinction here, though. 

There is a large difference between style and technicality.  My style, for example, is minimalistic realism. I’m writing about shit that happens to me, without sugar coating it and without any flourish or embellishment. It’s one thing for an editor to not like your STYLE – it’s another thing if you can’t write for shit. 

So do it. Submit! Let’s celebrate the acceptances and rejections together.  And let me know in the comments what your experiences have been with rejections.

L

A Gentle Reminder | Life Updates

Hey guys and gals,

I just wanted to remind you that, come Sunday, I won’t be posting daily any more. Like I said in a previous post, I have a chapbook coming out later this year and want to focus on writing content exclusive to that. I also want to focus on submitting my work to more places – I’ve had some good luck so far, and want to see how far I can ride that train. It’s kind of a morbid curiosity ๐Ÿ˜‰

There are also some other avenues that I want to venture forth on – namely expanding my presence on Instagram (my poems are posted there with some visuals) – maybe starting a Patreon and …. my friend is trying to convince me to go on Tic Tok which, I gotta say…just makes my skin crawl. Either way, I’ll let you know what’s happening.

Rest assured, I WILL continue to post here – just not daily. I’m thinking maybe 2 or 3 times a week – maybe more or less depending on how I feel. In the meantime, I invite you to go through the archives – there are just under 90 poems here…. which is kind of mind blowing to me in a way.

More Cool Stuff | Life Updates

I woke up on Christmas Eve to the news that Clarendon Publishing will be publishing my poem, October Maple, in their upcoming poetry anthology called Poetica 2. I am but one of many, many poets included in this anthology. So maybe you want to check it out to see some other amazing writers!

Also, this blog is up to 50 followers! Thanks so much to everyone who’s been following me on this crazy little journey. ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

Heads Up! | Life Updates

Good morning everyone!

Since it’s been posted on Facebook I feel it’s ok to announce this here.

As you know, Newington Blue did Volume 1 & 2 of Buk 100 (second volume to be complete before Christmas, if all goes well) but, they’ve announced that they will be publishing two single author chapbooks next year (one prose and one poetry). The wonderful Michael D. Meloan has been chosen for the first chapbook (prose) – of which I’m thrilled to get my hands on – and yours truly has been picked for the second!

I’m blown away by the love and support Newington Blue is showing me. The chapbook will be 40+ poems, accompanied by illustrations. 40+ poems is a lot for any writer – but especially for me who is basically unknown and unpublished. I’m just… overwhelmed with gratitude.

So what does this mean for you?

I have daily poems scheduled until the middle of January. After that, I will be scaling my poems back significantly – probably one per week. I want to take the next two months to focus on writing fresh material for the book (which will be exclusive to it). It’s likely that I will not return to posting daily, and stick to a poem a week.

I am playing with diversifying my content as well – I do have some short stories (kinda) that I am thinking about sharing. So we’ll see.

Thank you all so much for your likes, follows, and beautiful comments. I am so greatful for them all!

I’ll keep you guys informed of what’s going on along the way with the book. ๐Ÿ™‚

xoxox

Your filthy minded poet ๐Ÿ™‚