Heartbreak · Love

Octo-Kitty | Poems that Suck

I'd joke and call you
 my octopus because you'd
  engulf me in a flurry of 
   limbs whenever I came near,
    pulling me seductively toward 
                          your mouth.

I was happy to be your
 prey, to get lost in the 
  tangle of your tentacles - another
   love blinded fool - I had no idea that
    you'd feast on my soft innards, then
                               spit out
                                the bones 
                                  when you were through.
Depression · Heartbreak · Love

Call me a Psychic | Poems that Suck

We'll chance upon each other, 
 some day or evening
  a long time from now. 

By then my heart will
 have scabbed over, but
  still the edges are tender. 

You'll be excited - "it's been
 so long!" - but I'll
  be full of dread, caution. 

I'll regard you coolly, just
 enough detachment to make
  you unsure, ill at ease.

I'll make some cutting remark, 
 veiled in subtlety, then
  excuse myself from your company. 

You'll mull the comment over, 
 repeating it in your
  mind, puzzling together its meaning.

And slowly, you'll reach the
 soul of it and
  know that I'm still bleeding. 

You'll watch me from across
 the room, and I'll 
  know by its focused heat,

But I'm too old and 
 too tired to play
  the games of young girls. 

You won't see me feigning
 laughter or pretending to 
  flirt with some random person.

I'll simply be me, as
  even keeled and placid
   as you knew I was. 

It will remind you of
 those quiet moments we
  shared, tangled in each other,

Doing nothing but marveling at
 the miracle of love,
  the wonder of eachother's breathing.

You'll then be in touch,
 and I'll hesitate but
  answer; no sense of preservation. 

You'll apologize for it all
 and I'll give you
  a halfhearted, watery kinda smile.

(Actions, of course, speak louder
 than words and I'm
  simply mirroring your past indifference.)

You'll realize too late, like
 they all do, that
  you made a huge mistake. 

But it'll make no difference
 to me because you
  had broken something inside me 

That day, way back, when
 I stared out of the
  window, watching a squirrel as 

You stood above me and
 recited a litany of
  why you didn't want me.

And maybe then you'll long
 for me the way
  I did those many months,

The wind blowing through the
 hollow in your chest,
  whistling past the ragged edges.

And then you'll understand, it
 dissolved that warm October
  as I sat in silence. 

You'll know it's too late
 for me, 
  for you, 
   for us. 

It's just now that you're catching up.


 
Depression · Heartbreak · Love

Untitled | Poems that Suck

 "I love you,"
      you called to my 
        retreating back. 
 
 I wondered if
      it was exquisite cruelty,
         or reassurance.
 
 Maybe it was 
      a measure of relief
         for you,
 
 Since now, you
      never have to see
         me again. 
 
 Either way, it
      was a javelin to
              my (already fragile) heart.
Depression · Free Verse · Hope

Shhh… | Poems that Suck

The best thing about

a hot shower is the sound.

No on can hear you

think, or

fuck, or

cry, or

jerk off, or

cry and jerk off

(if that’s your thing).

It’s just a wall of white noise.

.

I like to shower in

the dark,

lie down in the basin

with a washcloth

over my

eyes.

.

I feel the water droplets –

some fine as mist,

others like fat tears –

on my lips,

my nipples,

my thighs.

.

And somewhere in that

wall of sound,

I dissolve

between

the

droplets.

Free Verse · Love · Sex

Triptych Part I (The First Kiss) | Poems that Suck

We lie on the rocky
              seashore,
the night sky spread
wide like an eager
              lover. 


We were talking but I
             was distracted,
our fingers were nearly
touching and I was
             electrified.


Then you slid out of
              your clothes;
I was determined not to
look at the narrow beauty
                      of you.


But I was compelled to
                  join you
in the water; a cool 
kiss on my skin in the
                   thick humidity.


You slipped beneath the still,
                      dark surface
seizing my wrist gently
to take me further out
                  to sea.
                                          (and, God, I was willing)


Then you reappeared, you hair
                     plastered to
your face, and for a wild
moment I wondered if that's what
                      Jesus looked like.


And as I tried to figure
                  this out,
I became aware that you
were slowly coming closer, 
                   and closer. 


We watched each other like
                      two battle
weary cats, projecting our
intentions so there could be
                         no mistake. 


Then you were hovering
                   above me, 
and I swallowed with difficulty,
licking my lips to prepare for
                       the inevitable. 


It began gently, as if testing
                       the waters
but, fire began roiling 
through my veins and I just...
                      let go. 


It was as if the sky
                 caught fire
and I could still see the fierce
blaze through my tightly shut 
                        eye lids.