1-800-Dial a Piece | Poems that Suck

My new lover called today, 
 purring obscenities in my ear
  like a fat cat about to get its fill
                                  on something juicy.

In my excitement to get
 it in, I decided to Nair, 
  rather than shave my thick, 
   auburn, pubic hair.

We were naked an hour later, 
 when he recoiled in horror.
 I turned my head to look, then
   had to explain that it was a chemical
    burn and not, in fact, Herpes.