Free Verse · Humor

You Need Humor to Make it Out Alive | Poems that Suck

 I shit my pants once -
 now, hear me out: 

 I was eating Chinese,
 a greasy eggroll, 
 so greasy I made
 a comment 
 out loud
 about it. 

 Against my better judgement
 I ate the thing 
 anyway. Hours
 later, I left work
 not thinking
 about that

 I gambled and lost, 
 as they say, and
 I began laughing
 because what
 else can 
 you do
 with your
 pants full of shit
 and a 15 minute 
 ride home? 
Free Verse · Humor

Sweaty Dreams | Poems that Suck

 Never read 
                     before bed.
                       You'll dream of 
                           shitty apartments, 
                               empty, rattling 
                                        wine bottles, 
                                            and  scabby hookers. 
                Then, mid dream, 
                    you'll realize
                        you're sweating
                                   between your ass cheeks.    

A Confessional. | Poems that Suck

 Remember that time,
 about 15 years ago,
 when we were driving 
 down some Texan 

 It started with you
 wriggling against the seat
 but soon turned into 
 a desperate scratching.

 "What the hell is wrong with you?"
 I shouted,
 "Fucking itching won't go away!"
 It took some moments, 
 but then I remembered.

 Two days before,
 when we were in the shower,
 I shaved your ass-cheeks
 while you washed your face.

 15 years later,
 and I'm still laughing.