Humor · Love · Sex

1-800-Dial a Piece | Poems that Suck

My new lover called today, 
 purring obscenities in my ear
  like a fat cat about to get its fill
                                  on something juicy.

In my excitement to get
 it in, I decided to Nair, 
  rather than shave my thick, 
   auburn, pubic hair.

We were naked an hour later, 
 when he recoiled in horror.
 I turned my head to look, then
   had to explain that it was a chemical
    burn and not, in fact, Herpes. 

Humor · Sex

Ain’t That Somethin’ | Poems that Suck

When I was 19 I had this 
 boyfriend and he was a little
  strange; a little too in to women's
   silky panties, a little too intellectual.
                                          ya dig?

Anyway, this one time when we
 were fucking, he jumped up on my
  chest and swung his little ass around
   and wanted me to blow him from the back. 

Now, I've seen and done a lot of
 weird and kinky shit since then but, 
  you never forget the first time you see
    the back of someone's ball bag. Magnificent. 
Love · Sex

To Swallow the Sun | Poems that Suck

 Your long, thin finger crept
                       like a spider
           up my inner thigh.
 "Stop," I hissed through my teeth;
                 a warning. 
 "No one's looking, no one cares."
                and you continued
 your journey up the pale length of my skin.
 The pads of your fingertips reached their
                   intended destination
 and I sighed with the delicious feel of them,
 as I gazed, heavy lidded, at the sea,
                    head tilted back,
 as if I were swallowing the sun. 
Humor · Sex

Paris | Poems that Suck

I was in Paris, once,

just a few days.

I didn’t do all the

touristy shit;

the Arc du Triomph,

the Eiffel Tower,

the Louvre.

Instead, I went down

to Pigalle, where the

streets are a litany

of porno shops.

I bought myself

a vibrator


some lube.

Then went back to

my closet of

an apartment

and had a

good fuck

on the




Love · Sex

Closer | Poems that Suck

 Close was never 
                                              close enough.
 Even if 
 I could hear you in my head,
 visit you in my dreams, 
 feel you buried deep inside 
 It was never enough.
 Maybe if I could have
 peeled back the fragile
 of your skin, cracked open
 your ribs and found some
 place between your lungs
 and spleen to burrow into,
                                                I would've
 been satisfied. 
Free Verse · Love · Sex

Passion Fruit | Poems that Suck

We bit into the tender,

                                                              pink flesh

of some exotic fruit.

Its thin, sweet juice dripping

                                                 from our

lips, and I wondered

what it would be like

                                        if he 

bit into me like that.